Perched Eagle?

Leaders are like eagles: they soar above us, blah, blah, blah. It's important to remember though that if they don’t come down from their lofty altitudes, they don’t eat. That's a terribly important fact! Managers who fail to dive into the everyday happenings of the departments they manage might be courting failure.

It's easy to get comfortable in your office. Technology allows us to send out instructions and notes without the challenges that come with actual human interaction. Yet it's that interaction that makes you the human influence machine that you were hired to be as opposed to some mythical figure that only appears to crush the spirits of the office masses. There are indicators that signal you may be a perched eagle. Be on the lookout for these warning signs:

Oil in water. You step out of your office and the effect looks like someone dropped some oil in water. People spread away from the drop--you--as fast as they can. If that is the case, it could be that you are not seen as approachable. It could also mean that people just don't like you or the way you talk to them. It might mean that the only time they see you is when you're dishing out orders or pointing out faults. I've met managers that revel in the ability to seemingly strike fear in others and love how powerful it makes them feel. If this is you, it may not be long before someone notices these traits and speaks up. It might just be your boss.

You don't know anybody! If you walk through the cubicles and it's as if you're among strangers, it's a good sign that you're out of touch. It's time to get out of the office with the goal of having a personal conversation with an employee you're not familiar with. It's a good practice that will make you more human to the very real humans that work in your office.

You're not invited to the party. Whether it's a social gathering within the office in celebration of an occasion in an employee's life or a party outside of work, it's good for you to have at least been invited. If you haven't been invited, it might be a sign that people don't feel you'd even want to know. It might mean that others feel you're aloof. I normally caution against too much social interaction, but it's good to participate periodically. You're not a cyborg and it's good to occasionally prove that by having a light beer or two with the fellas and gals.

"What's so funny?" When the response you get is "Ah, it's nothing really. I mean, you wouldn't get it," then you need to leave the nest more often. Show yourself and don't be afraid to smile. If it doesn't hurt your face too much, try to laugh in the presence of others. Go ahead. It's really okay.

“I don’t wanna get involved in office politics.” I've heard friends say this and usually it's masking a weakness. Too often, they don't have confidence in their interpersonal skills and therefore decide that any interaction is "office politics." The truth is as a manager, "office politics" is your job. Buried in the icky connotations that the word "politics" evokes is the true meaning of the word. Basically its the whole of our human interactions within an organization. If you don't see that as part of your job description, you may want to evaluate your professional existence as a manager. To quote a mentor of mine when sharing his secrets of managerial success: "It's the people, stupid!"

If you're a leader, you are an eagle! Spread your wings and...yeah, whatever. Put away those wings every once in awhile. Get out of the office. Have an actual conversation that doesn't involve the internet or texting. Shake hands. Get to know your people! A manager who doesn't not only leads a less than fulfilling professional existence, but might just find themselves grounded permanently.

"Don't Tell Me You..."

I can remember the biting comment as vividly today as if it was just said.  I was still a teenager, giving one of my first briefings as an officer candidate to a group of higher-ranking cadets and cadre.  I was nervous, and it was only compounded by the fact that I probably wasn’t as prepared as I should’ve been. The first words to come out of my mouth as I started my presentation were, “I’m sorry. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and…” That line of remarks didn’t last long. One of the senior cadets said to me “Hey Nickerson, do us a favor. Don’t tell us you suck. We’ll figure that out soon enough on our own.”

The laughter that ensued was stinging, but it only solidified the lesson that I’ve applied ever since. Convincing others that your ideas are worthy of their time and that they should listen to you is hard enough. Informing your audience, in essence, that you are ill-prepared and probably don’t know the subject enough to be speaking on it doesn’t do you any favors. In fact, it can ruin your credibility right up-front.

I witnessed this practice countless times when I went on to train cadets myself and have seen it often in other professional settings. The speaker, who is probably very knowledgeable on the subject they are about to speak, starts their presentation by apologizing for their inadequacies. WHY DO THEY DO THAT?! It comes in many forms:

“I really didn’t get a lot of time to put this together…”

“The information in this briefing is a bit dated, but…”

“I’m not that much of a speaker…”

“I’m not really the right person for this, but…”

Each of us has heard versions of these precursors. What normally ensues is a futile attempt by the speaker to climb out of the hole they dug at the beginning of their presentation. This practice of beginning with an excuse is normally an attempt to apologize for some perceived weakness that weighs on the speaker’s confidence.

Do yourself a favor. Before you conduct your next presentation—be it formal or informal—check to see if you do any form of this. If you do, STOP IT! Nothing damages your ability to win your argument, make the sale, or lead others than to tell them up-front why they shouldn’t listen to you. Don’t tell them at the outset, “I’m not the right person to be saying this and I’m probably wasting your time, but here goes!” Or, to paraphrase the senior cadet from that day, “Don’t tell me you suck.”

The truth is if you’re asked for your opinion, hired to sell a product, or put in a leadership role, it’s probably for a good reason. Somebody at some point saw your potential and your abilities. They believed in you, so believe in yourself! You don’t “suck”, so stop unintentionally saying you do. Your audience will appreciate what you’re saying that much more.

Another Day, Another Victory!

The lyrics in the John Mayer song “No Such Thing” claim “I am invincible as long as I’m alive.” And why not believe that? Every single time you wake up it’s a victory over the challenges you faced the day before! The fact that you have another opportunity to conquer the things hindering your success should be celebrated. And you’ve done it all of your life.

If you’re thirty years old, you’ve fought the battles in this war called life and won 10,950 times! You’ve beat illnesses. You’ve beat embarrassment. You’ve beat rejection. Think about the worst day of your life. On that day, despite all of the things that threatened you, you reached the end of the day. The next day, you took the first steps towards leaving that horrible day behind. YOU MADE IT!

Think about that the next time you face seemingly insurmountable turmoil. You’re going to make it; you’ve done it thousands of times before. When you look at tomorrow’s coming storm and it seems so daunting that you don’t know if you’ll survive the day, rest assured that you will. You’ve only done it every day of your life.

Surviving The Real Housewives of...

The reunion show for The Real Housewives of New Jersey was on our living room television. My heart rate quickened, my blood pressure rose and I became suddenly angry. And that was before I even turned my eyes to the television and started watching it. My life is stressful enough without listening to catty women attempt to verbally scratch each others eyeballs out. The drama erupting from the interaction between these angry, petty women is palpable, stoked by producers that no doubt create opportunities for these women to go at it. This spectacle, though, is catnip to the human female species (and evidently gay men) as evidenced by the "Real Housewives" Franchise success.

Frankly, I don't understand why it's so popular and I guess I'm not supposed to. Nor are any normal, average heterosexual men in America. So, if you get caught up in a "Let's just have a quiet night of watching TV" moment with your wife that turns into an excruciating experience not unlike a Gitmo interrogation technique that is The Housewives of Fillintheblank, here are a few coping methods:

Drink. Whenever the cursor dances over a recorded episode of "The Real Housewives" stored on our DVR, I take the time to consider one of the many liquors we keep in our bar. Or perhaps it's time to get an early start to the weekend by participating in your very own Oktoberfest! Oh, I can already hear the accordion and tuba in my head. Drink enough and you'll hardly hear the whiny strains coming from a privileged, yet suffering lady of the social circuit because her former best friend preferred to attend her daughter's sweet sixteen party and not a charity polo match or art gallery opening...or something similar and sickening.

Hurt yourself. Inflicting pain upon ones self is not something I condone nor recommend. In this case, though, a razor to your thigh might take your mind off of women arguing over who is copying whose tacky fashion sense. Plus, if you're lucky, you may end up in a hospital emergency room, far away from the pointless arguments engaged in by these wacky ladies.

Prisoner exchange. Keep your ear to the ground and find a fellow sufferer. Suggest a night where his wife can come over while you and him go watch something--anything--related to sports and competition. Your wife will think you benevolent and thoughtful and almost forget the credit card slips proving that you and your buddy seem to be spending a lot of time at Hooters.

Become familiar with your smart phone. There is no reason that you can't be productive during this period. Your smart phone is a gateway to the world, away from the nails-on-a-chalkboard exchanges occurring on your beautiful high definition screen. While your wife stares drop-jawed at one woman claiming another is a bitch for the umpteenth time this season, you can do the things you need to do. Buy tickets to sporting events. Arrange a golf outing. Set up a hunting and fishing expedition to Alaska. You know; things that men are supposed to do...hunting and gathering, gladiator type stuff.

Honey-do list. Yeah, you've been avoiding it. But damn! Is there a better time to get stuff done than when the alternative is watching some baritone woman who can't sing or dance chase her dream of musical stardom? The answer, my friend, is a resounding no! So go clean the garage. Go mow the lawn. Go paint the house. Go put in a backyard fire pit. Go fight the rabid raccoon that lives in the shed. Do it! Do it now! It's time to escape brother...or as a Housewife from New Jersey would say: "excape".

Men, it's time to take back our time! They may take our televisions, but they'll never take our testosterone! (Hey, do me a favor and don't tell my wife I wrote this.)

Me, on Leave, in a Wal-Mart Parking Lot

I know that as I begin to plan out the free time I'll have post deployment, I'll inevitably end up in the parking lot of my hometown Wal-Mart. Also inevitably, I'll run into people I haven't seen in over a decade and we will engage in an uncomfortable conversation about nothing of significance. But why not make it fun? I will attempt to slip at least one of the following statements into that conversation in hopes I'll be left to shop for frozen pizza and shampoo in peace. Or at least it'd be a more interesting conversation. Free free to send me your own.

"I kinda remember you, but you weren't really in the "in" crowd were you?"

"'A machine? No! I've been working in stone for decades!' So he took the sculpture. It's not everyday you see a pope blush!"

"Wow! I hardly recognized you. You were always dressed so nicely back then."

"We get to the top of that rock and I turn to the sherpa and I'm like, 'Jeez. I'm the only one left? We started out with eight.'"

"My career is going good, but not as good as my side business. Have you ever heard of Amway?"

"NASA likes to make their training sound hard. I mean, it is, but most with my IQ and superior fitness level breeze through."

"...so I said, 'Really Barack; what else are you doing in the next four years?'"

"Formula 1 Racing is glamorous, sure, but sometimes I don't know what I'm doing with my life."

"How about these gas prices, huh? I'm almost regretting buying the jet. But hey, might as well spend it. You're only gonna make more!"

"Sure, kids aren't heavy, but by the time I ran in to get the third, I was hitting muscle failure. And the house was burning out of control! Thank God for adrenaline, right?"

"I'm in the best shape of my life...but look at me. Mr. OBVIOUS!"

"Movies are fun and definitely more glamorous. But let's be honest: starring in a series gives you a regular income. You take that kind of stuff for granted in showbusiness."

"I managed to get the traffic stopped, but by the time I got back to the limo, it was too late. The princess had already left us."

"I just tossed the ball back and said, 'Brett, what's one more season?' Worst advice I've ever given."

"Wasn't your mom an alcoholic or something? No? It was your dad then, right?"

"The villagers were so gracious. One of the children at the field hospital--a tent really; that's all I could afford at the time--she asked me, 'Mister, are you a doctor?' I laughed, lifted her into my arms and said, "No my child. I have no formal training. I heal with love."

"It seems like an easy choice--the mother or her child. But I just threw my shoulders back, looked that warlord in the eyes and said, "No deal. We're all walking out of this compound tonight."

"You think it looks beautiful on the travel channel? It's so much more beautiful in person! But most palaces are when you're the guest of royalty."

"I wanted to go with 'iSongs'. They wanted 'iTunes'. I still got paid, so whatever."

"Elin's going crazy and I'm trying to calm her down. Tiger gets in his vehicle and I yell, 'You get out of here Tiger! But you need to really think about what's important in your life.' I think we both knew his answer though. So disappointing. I'm sorry, but no matter how many times he calls, I will not talk with him."

"I cut right and saw nothing but paydirt. And then I felt a pop. Two minutes into a national championship season and I'm riding a cart off the field."

"He was so scared, but I just whispered 'Spread your arms; trust me.' I'll never forget the sound of his laughter as he screamed 'I'm flying! I'm really flying!' In a way, I was too."

"You see, plutonium-284 is practically harmless though it'll give you a bad case of heartburn. Now 285? That'll give you and 300,000 of your friends some real heartburn. You know what I mean?"

"The international press goes on and on about the negotiations, but the treaty really came together when I showed them both that we all have skin, bones, hearts, souls...dreams. I'm sorry. It always makes me misty."

"I said, 'I think he's got some talent. If you don't sign him, I will.' Justin Beiber. Sometimes the big ones get away."

I'll let you know how this experiment goes.

Bagram Gym Coach

The gym here on Bagram has become a sanctuary of sorts. I plug my earbuds in and forget about the demands of my day. I've taken to listening to dramatic instrumental music not because I'm a snob, but because it's soothing and it doesn't have those pesky words to think about. Words distract my solace. So do people.

I was conducting a lift that I've started to perform because I'm constantly bombarded by people telling me I need to work on my core. Core this and core that. "The core is the center of the body. If you're core isn't healthy, than you're not healthy." "The problem with traditional lifting programs is it ignores the core." "Core, coRE, CORE!" Jeez. I got it! So, I've started to incorporate core training into my workouts because everybody knows that (fill in the blank with nitnoid fact about core training).

Anyway, it's less of a lift than a motion. I take a 45 pound universal bar and hold it over my head and perform a squat. It keeps my CORE rigid and straight and forces me to tighten my CORE, thus increasing the chances I will outlive my weak-cored great-grandchildren. Apparently, though, I was performing some sort of fitness crime. I watched in the mirror as this concerned citizen dropped his weights and hastily covered the thirty feet between us to tap me on my back. I pulled out my right earbud and looked at him as if to ask, "Is there a bengal tiger about to jump on my back that you're going to warn me about," because the sense of urgency in his approach conveyed the possibility of just that. There was no bengal tiger in the gym.

His breathy warning started out with, "Hey, I'm not one to give out advice on weightlifting..." He should have stopped right there. I advise against telling others prior to dispensing advice that you have absolutely no authority or expertise on the subject you're about to communicate thoughts on. Nothing decreases your audience's confidence in you like starting with, "Look, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, but here goes..." Yet this gentlemen thought this the best way to introduce his sage wisdom.

His urgent advice? "You should NEVER get up on your toes like that." I intentionally induced an awkward moment by holding my annoyed stare at him for at least three seconds longer than I should have or he deserved. My immediate thought was, "Really? Is there a danger I may spontaneously burst into flames or suffer a rupture of the spleen?" Instead all that came out was an obviously annoyed, "Uh, yeah," which was a shortened version of, "Uh, yeah. GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME BEFORE I BREAK YOUR PELVIS YOU FREAK!"

I was done with that particular exercise...or so I thought. Just because of the gentlemen's intrusion, I didn't do one or two additional sets, but three additional sets of fifteen! And I made sure to practically stand on my toes not unlike Michael Jackson during his Thriller heyday. I felt him staring at me in my periphery as if mentally willing my tibias and/or calf muscles to snap in half so he could stand over me screaming "I told you so! What the hell were you thinking?!" Yet he was out of luck this day. My legs stood strong. Of course even if my legs vaporized, I would have proudly waddled out of the gym with my head held high just to keep him from having any sort of satisfaction.

A Little Christmas Warmth

A friend of mine recently posted a Facebook status that asked "What 'little things' put you in the Christmas Spirit?"  After the typical smart alec answers flashed into my head, a random item popped up.  "Wood burning stove".  I stopped and wondered where the heck it came from.  Then, I remembered.

When I was seventeen, I volunteered to participate in a Christmas delivery program.  We met at a high school gymnasium and gathered donated food and toys and loaded them up into cars.  We were handed a route with a list of families and were told what to take to each.  My friends and I were going to hang out, horse around, and be able to say we did something interesting during the past weekend, though I realize now that the day had a profound impact on me.

We had gone all over the county delivering much-appreciated food to families that didn't look all that different from our own yet were down on their luck as evidenced by their living conditions.  One family was gathered in a trailer and in the living room stood a hospital bed where grandpa slept.  They smiled but asked us to please be quiet.  Being quiet was not a problem.  The atmosphere in the car we rode in quickly went from jovial, or what my Dad would describe as "playin' grabass", to somber and introspective.  The day taught us a lot about life.  Real life.

The last stop was out in the country.  Within an opening surrounded by trees stood a small cabin with smoke billowing from a chimney.  One of my best friends and I went into the trunk and pulled out the toys and food and marched onto the porch and knocked on the door.  I remember expecting grandpa from Hee-Haw to answer, but was surprised to see a young man maybe a few years older than me.  He barely opened the door and then quickly ushered us in.  Behind him was a pregnant young woman--his wife--with a little girl curled around her leg.  They stared at us with slightly embarrassed smiles and apologized that they didn't have any place for us to sit.  There was only one room that I was aware of with a small kitchenette in the corner.  There was no television that I could see, just a couch that looked very used.

We spoke our often repeated chorus of "Merry Christmas" and "Glad we could get out here with the weather and all," but we could hardly hide the sympathy in our voices during this delivery.  It made the experience that much more uncomfortable.  Their relatively young appearance only added to the awkward feelings in the room.  I don't remember the young couple saying much at all to us as we prepared to leave as quick as we could, but I remember what the husband said right before he opened the door to let us out.  "I'm sorry I rushed you all in.  I probably won't walk you out, but that's not because I don't appreciate what you're doing.  I just don't want to lose the heat.  This wood stove's about all we got."  I took in the wood-burning stove cooking in the corner of the room and smiled at the little girl waving goodbye from behind her mother's leg.  We waved back.

I'm sure we all grew up a little bit that day.  Christmas had always been a day a day off of school, a new toy, new clothes, the latest gadget.  That little bit of community service during the holiday season, though, taught me that our abundance is fleeting and we should never take it for granted.  That young family didn't have much, but they had each other and a warm home to share each other's love and company.  For the rest of my life, a wood-burning stove will remind me of Christmas and the importance of sharing it in the warmth and comfort of our family's love.